Mending Broken People .. A Personal Testimony
Have you ever wondered why you were born? I did, for years. Even though I had wonderful parents and two brothers who loved me very much, I still felt I didn't fit in.
Growing up, I was an easy target for teasing because of my timidity, and even though I tried to please everyone, no matter how hard I tried, it never seemed good enough. I interpreted this to mean ‘I wasn’t good enough.’
The stress and anxiety of trying to prove myself resulted in my being hurt often. The emotional pain caused physical ailments which sent me to the hospital on several occasions even though, I had plenty of positive affirmations from those who really loved me. I believed Jesus loved me too, but, I honestly believed I was a mistake. I understand, now, that a good portion of this dilemma was the consequences of my never having learned to love myself.
Broken-hearted, weak, fearful, frustrated, and confused, I thought the only reasonable thing was to just quit and give up. So, I told God I wanted to die. I begged Him to let me to go to sleep and never wake up. I know now this was a very selfish, sinful thing to ask God and praise Him for not answering this prayer. It was His grace and mercy that saved my life.
Over time, my parents were gone, my marriage was failing, and I was having difficulty on my job. The inner pain intensified to the point where it was almost unbearable, but God’s mercy continued to sustain me. I remember telling Him that I was hurting so badly, I couldn’t even stand the pain of a hangnail. Being the loving God that He is, He allowed me to get one that day to prove to me I was much stronger than I thought. No matter how bad things were, they could be worse. Most of all, He let me know He'd always be with me.
In May, 1983, He vividly revealed to me that my unhappiness was the result of my allowing others' negativity and manipulation to control my life. During this encounter, He showed me that when we don’t know our identity, others will give us one that usually doesn’t define us at all. Instead of trying to please Him, I was spending most of my time trying to please people, then harboring resentment and bitterness when I was rejected. I finally understood all this was contributing to the physical ailments and the anxiety I was experiencing. He also showed me I was not operating within His will for my life, which was disobedience and disobedience is sin.
God told me that day, He wanted me to stop allowing this to happen. He told me He loved me very much, just the way I was, and that I was very special to Him. He let me know I wasn’t a mistake and that He had a work for me to do. This amazing encounter was the beginning of my transformation. For years afterwards, the Lord showed me, through the scriptures, His thoughts of me, and they are good.
I noticed whenever I was in the midst of my most difficult trials, women, some of whom I didn't know, would spontaneously come to me to share their hurts. I asked the Lord why this was happening to me, of all people. Face it, I didn't have a handle on my own situation. His answer was, "Feed my sheep and tell them what I've told you." He taught me the power of forgiveness. This was hard, but when I consented, reluctantly, to do as He said, I found the results to be amazing.
I believe the seed for a women’s ministry was planted in my heart when a dear friend of the family shared how she would pack her nightgown, take her bible, and go to a hotel for a weekend, just to get away to spend time alone with the Lord. I knew, somehow, it was my mission to make this happen for other women.
In March 1990, I shared this idea with a woman T.V. minister I had met in the Dallas, TX airport. The five minutes she spent with me impacted my life tremendously. She instructed me to treat this vision like a pregnancy. She warned that the “baby" would be born whether I was ready for it to come or not, so I needed to prepare for it. These words challenged my faith. I never heard anything like this before. Besides, how could God possibly use someone as emotionally fragile as I for such an enormous assignment?
God, in His infinite mercy, went just little further to confirm that my calling was sure. One day while at a social gathering, I listened to a group of women tell of their own personal pain. Although I was miserable at the time, I didn't have very much to say. These women were attractive, intelligent, creative, and successful in their professions. It didn’t matter whether they held positions of authority in their jobs or in the community or were homemakers. We all shared one thing in common: ‘serious inner pain.’
As I listened quietly to each woman tell her story, an overwhelming, invisible, earie presence entered the room. Although we couldn't see it, it had an evil persona that was extremely overpowering and seemed to fill the room. It was almost tangible. I never shared what I was sensing with the others and they didn't seem to notice. I felt the intensity of their pain and frustration. Their stories differed, but one thing was certain: these women had been deeply hurt, and I could relate. It was evident most of them had been carrying the weight of their pain for many years.
This experience disturbed me so much that I became physically weak. I prayed, "Lord, please tell me what I can do to make the pain go away." That's when it was absolutely clear that somehow, some way, I had to help women recover from their inner pain. I knew something had to be done, but feeling inadequate and incapable, what could I possibly do?
My marriage ended in a painful divorce. I had been stripped of almost everything I held dear. It was in those very dark days that the Lord let me know through dreams, visions, revelations and Isaiah 54, that I was going to be alright. He also told me it was His appointed time for Him to do a new thing in my life. ".....The 'baby' is in the birth canal" He said. "It's time for the 'baby' to be born. I want to ‘mend broken people’." It was so powerful! He instructed me not to look to my own strength, abilities, or means, but by faith, trust Him to take care of the details of my life and as He led me to develop the ministry of RENEWED WOMAN, Inc. ... Discovering the Other Woman Within.
Another thing I learned during this time is that whatever we need the most, we must give away. Therefore, I gave love, encouragement, hope, and biblical information on how to turn lives around God's way. I’m only an instrument in the hands of God with a responsibility to reach as many people as I can who see themselves as "...less than the least of all ..." (Eph. 3:8, NIV). I can do nothing more than tell them what He told me and lead them to Jesus who will then help them elevate their thinking to where they can receive God's magnificent gift of grace, mercy and love. Only then can He lead them into a better life.
As I look back over those years, I can see that in the midst of these experiences God was there working in my life all the time. He was preparing me for such a time as this. I discovered that I was born with a purpose. I wasn't a mistake. I know now my sorrow, pain, and suffering were to make me stronger. He was transforming me into a new woman with a mission.
The Lord helped me experience the power of His love for me by putting some very special and God fearing people in my life who undergirded, encouraged, and supported me. Words can never express how grateful I am for everyone one of them for what they did for me. They invested so much of their time, wisdom, and means into my life. It was through my investing in the lives of others, during their difficult times, that my own healing took place and my needs were and still are being met.
Although I cannot change anyone's circumstances, I can show them, through God's word, how to change the way they view their situation. As a result, we'll see more and more lives transformed, families healed, and, most of all, Satan's strongholds in their lives torn down.
There is so much more to the story of my journey into this ministry. By being obedient, I've experienced the love and favor of Almighty God. It has truly been a transforming experience. All that I am and all I hope to be, I owe to Jesus. My word to you is, if He did it for me, I'm confident He will do it for you, if you let Him.♥
Minister Dorothy Foote